I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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