On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
