You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
