How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When are your genitals available?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
