So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
