please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
