I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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