I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
