I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
