I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
