Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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