"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
