So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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