Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
