i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
