i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
