I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
