areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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