So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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