I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
