Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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