He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
