Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
