I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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