what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
