Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
