yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
