toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
