Define "chronic" masturbator.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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