Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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