i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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