nut hugger
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
