You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
