FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
