this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
