I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
