The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
