no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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