Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
