The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
