how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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