we're blogging at a bar
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
