You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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