I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
