12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
