Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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