The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
