your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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