your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
