I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
