I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
